James Golden

James cropped for ccMy story starts back in 2006 when I was first hospitalized. I wasn’t able to stay in my parents’ house because I  was using drugs and drinking excessively. When I left their house, I moved in with my drug dealer.

After about a week I was using more than ever before and I attempted to end my life. When I woke up the next morning I was very upset. I went to Meridian Health Center in Brick, NJ. I thought that that they were going to give me some medication and send me on my way but I was put in a bed right across from the nurses’ station for the world to see. To me, that was very degrading. I finally spoke to a Crisis Counselor who gave two choices: one, I could voluntarily check myself in, or two, I would be committed. She said that things would be harder if I chose the latter. I was miserable so decided that I would voluntarily sign myself in.

When I finally got to Shoreline, I was completely overwhelmed. I had never been to the hospital before, and I was terrified. My preconceived notions were that a psych hospital was a place where people who committed crimes and really “sick” people went. I didn’t see myself like that at all. For the first week-and-a-half I refused to leave my room. Finally, my social worker and a contact person came into my room and convinced me to try a group.

I didn’t share anything but I did listen. Something clicked for me. As I heard the other patients sharing, I began to identify with almost everything they were saying. I remember thinking to myself, “I do that too,” and “That’s happened to me.” I began to see that these people were nothing like the people I had imagined. These people were just like me. They weren’t bad people and didn’t hurt anybody. They had issues that they needed to deal with. I can’t put into words how comforting that was. For the first time in my life, I felt like I wasn’t alone. These thoughts and feelings that plagued me for years are actually not that uncommon. I swore after that group that I would attend every group there on out. I did and I got much out of it. I began to learn a better way to live and handle the many obstacles that people face every day. I spent about three-and-a-half weeks at Shoreline for my first hospitalization.

The day that I was discharged it took me eight hours to apply for benefits at Social Services. I went to my new home in Seaside Heights which was a motel. After that, every day I would leave my motel room, walk around Seaside and look for a job, stopping at every store on the boardwalk and all of the restaurants and the stores in the town.

After about two weeks, the manager of the motel told me that he received a letter from Social Services that said that I was denied Food Stamps and GA (General Assistance). With no income, I could no longer stay at the motel. So I went to the boardwalk to figure out what my next move was going to be. I was completely alone.

I spent the next two months living under the Seaside Heights Boardwalk. I relapsed and started using again and I was miserable. I remember it was raining one night and I woke up due to water dripping on my face. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I broke down and I cried. I didn’t want to end my life, but I did know that the way I was living it was not how I wanted to proceed.

I went to Kimball Medical Center and checked myself into the PESS (Psychiatric Emergency Screening Services) Unit to help pull myself together. I went to every group and did everything that I was supposed to.

I was linked with the PATH (Projects for Assistance in Transition from Homelessness) program at Preferred Behavioral Health after my second discharge from the hospital. With assistance from my Case Manager I reapplied for Food Stamps and General Assistance. This time I was approved for everything. I was also linked to Preferred Behavioral Health’s

Interact program which is an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP). I spent the next two and a half years working hard on myself and made great strides in recovery. I went back to the hospital about two or three more times.

After I was done with Preferred, I was linked to Resources for Human Development Residential Intensive Support Team and got my very own apartment through them. I was working full time at a school for special needs children as a teacher’s assistant. I ended up losing that job due to state budget cuts and then I found the Mental Health Association in New Jersey in Ocean County.

I started off as a volunteer, gradually adding more time and responsibility as I felt I could handle them. I attended the Consumer Connections CORE training and earned my Certification as a Recovery Support Practitioner. I was fortunate to actually begin working as a Mental Health Association in New Jersey Peer Specialist in the POST (Peer Outreach Support Teams) program in Ocean County. Working at MHANJ has really helped keep a check on my own recovery and has helped me to grow and become the best person I can be.

After receiving all of the care that was given to me, I wanted to pay it forward. I wanted to help people the way that people helped me.

I’m living a dream right now. I wouldn’t think of throwing my life away. I have an incredible job in which I get to help people, I have my own apartment, and I have friends that I trust and who actually trust me. With hard work and the right people in my corner, I’ve been able to make a miraculous recovery. My goal in life is to show people that everyone, regardless of age, can shape and mold their own lives any way they want to.

 

Funding for Superstorm Sandy Recovery
Efforts through Generous Grants from:
American Red Cross Robert Wood Johnson Foundation
Mental Health Association in New Jersey, Inc.

Address: 88 Pompton Avenue, Verona, NJ 07044

Telephone: 1.800.367.8850 Toll-Free

FAX: 973.857.1777

EMAIL:njconnect@mhanj.org

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